Since the last Newsletter in November 2004, the Badgers have had a busy old time with an outing and a charity night.  Who said anything about hibernation!?!  Membership of The Badgers Golf Society has now swelled to 40, many of whom attended the Charity Evening on the 21st January at the Badgers Sett. Hope your hangovers weren’t too bad!  Thanks to all who attended for their support, welcome to all new members and thanks to all of you for your subscriptions.

If you are still to get your membership money to us remember – no pay, no play so be quick.  For those that are fully paid up members we hope to issue you your bag towels, bag tags and NFBG badge/sticker at the next meet so try and contain your excitement until then.  We are also still in negotiation with suppliers about our proposed Badgerwear, trying to get the best deal for you all and something that will fit over Sharpies stomach.  We should have some details, prices and order forms for you very soon.

The Third Badgers Golf Society Day was held on Saturday, 6th December 2003 at Birchwood Golf Centre, Kent and a far better golfing experience it was compared to the previous outing at Edenbridge (some of the greens even had grass!).  All joking aside, the Committee were very impressed by the facilities there, the welcome we received and the quality of the catering that was provided.  Sharpie alone put on half a stone during the sit down meal.  Great Badgering behavior.  More importantly, all of the attendees appeared to thoroughly enjoy themselves, so we will definitely be making a return visit in 2004.

Badgers At Birchwood (minus Harry ‘AutoGlym’ Cutts, polishing the wheels on his electric trolley) Left – Right; Dennis Redgrave, Paul Starbuck, Barry Palmer, John Birdseye, Peter Longstaff, David Bullock, Mark Smith, Richard Maggs, Alec Vallintine, Simon Tuson, Mike Healy, Lee Appleby, Alan Ruddy, Steve Beasly, Bob James, John Chapman, Phil Priest, Nigel Smith, Steve Sharp, Mike Stone, Ian Vallintine, James Strachan, Graham Starling and Steve Hook. Tony Cameron circling somewhere over Crawley!!

  

On the day itself, twenty-six keen as mustard/plainly daft Badgers took to the course for 18 holes of golf on a day with difficult conditions – it was very cold and although it stayed dry there was plenty of wind.  Given the course’s openness (are there any trees in Dartford?), many Badgers struggled. Not that wind’s normally a problem for Badgers….. The group photo above was taken to capture the Society for posterity, albeit Harry ‘Chariots of Fire’ Cutts thought the time would be better spent polishing the alloys on his new go-faster/play worse electric golf trolley. 

Many thanks to Kay and the kids for their generosity in giving Harry his Christmas present early, it really ballsed up his game and also saved us from having his ugly mug spoiling the photo. Cheers Family Cutts! Nice one!!! The course was in excellent condition (well, before we were let loose on it at least) and a high standard of golf was played despite the wind. Following the standard Badgers tradition of toasting each round with port, the golf commenced in earnest.

Due to the short hours of daylight the 9 hole/four-ball Texas Scramble was dropped in favour of a team Stableford scoring competition combined with the Badgers Individual over 18 holes. Sharpie having set the handicaps for everybody, including his team, meant there was a sense of inevitability as we set off to play.

The Winning Fourball Left to right; Steve Sharp, David Bullock, James Strachan, Peter Longstaff (Absent)

  

However, Sharpies handicap allocations aside, congratulations go to the winning team of Steve Sharp, David Bullock, James Strachan and Peter Longstaff who all won a bottle of champagne for their efforts. After a day spent in Sharpies company, Peter Longstaff beat a hasty retreat before the meal and presentation were made so missed the photo. However, this was perfectly understandable in the circumstances. A lesser man would have walked off the course and spending a round with Sharpie itself warrants some form of prize so well done Badgers.

The Badgers Individual Competition was, as usual, hard fought but at the final tally up this was won (after countback) on 37 points by the Handicap Secretary (!?!) Steve Sharp who walked away with the Inaugural Badgers Trophy (to be returned if anybody else ever wins) and a £50 Nevada Bob voucher (his requests to have this swapped for Threshers were declined by the Committee). The £30 voucher and trophy for 2nd place was won again by John Chapman, despite a savage slash in his handicap from the previous outing. 3rd place trophy and a £20 voucher was won on his first Badger outing with 36 points by James Strachan, following an extremely generous handicap allocation of 28 by Sharpie. He must be coming over all paternal. It’s been a while since he’s come at all.

Steve ‘Fix!’ Sharp collecting his winning trophy and vouchers (Has this man no shame?)

 

John ‘Always the Bridesmaid, Never the Bride’ Chapman 2nd Place Badgers Individual

 

 

James ‘Dubious Handicap’ Strachan 3rd Place Badgers Individual

 

Picking up his second award of the day and maintaining his record of a win in some form at every golf day, ‘Nearest the Pin’ was won by ‘Nevada Dave’ Bullock who, rumour has it, has taken to lighting cigars with his many vouchers.  ‘Longest Drive’ was won by Alan Ruddy who was so overcome with the emotion of the moment he failed to stay awake through the presentation.  Poor lad.  Both our winners got a trophy and a £25 voucher for their efforts – well done to the pair of you.

David ‘Cup Floweth Over etc etc’ Bullock Nearest the Pin

 

Alan ‘Rip Van Winkle’ Ruddy Longest Drive

 

‘Little Soldier’ award goes to Simon Tuson who went out with more strapping on than the whole of England’s world cup winning pack. Fortunately his golf was as impressive as Johnno and the boys as he turned in a splendid 36 points. Must have been the overwhelming smell of Deep Heat that put his playing companions off. Or the wind. Badgers moving up the scoreboard on this outing were Richard Maggs and Alan Ruddy with 34 points and a long awaited return to form for Mark Smith with 32 points. And how the hell did Nigel Smith get 30 points? Answers on a postcard please.

Disappointing Badger performances were Harry Cutts scraping 19 points despite his new wheels of fire and Mike Healy scoring a paltry 22 points due to yet another monster hangover. Awesome performance. And that was just not being sick in the car coming around the M25 in the morning. Those Irish eyes weren’t smiling……

Simon ‘Mummys Revenge’ Tuson

 

Owing to his disastrous performance on the course ‘Hot Rod’ Cutts picked up the award for the worst score and is now referred to as the Gary Numan of Golf (our friend electric….). Dennis Redgrave turned up in his usual golfing attire and walked away with the Fancy Dress Award, despite remonstrating with the Committee to the contrary. We weren’t having it, no sir! Finally Tony Cameron Snr put us all to shame by flying over from Dublin just for the day arriving late and still scoring a respectable 30 points. This man is fast becoming a legend. Top Irish Badger!

Harry ‘Nice Trolley, Awful Performance’ Cutts Last Place Award

 

Dennis ‘But I’m Not In Fancy Dress’ Redgrave Fancy Dress Award

 

Birchwood Attendees (all left to right);

 Team 1; Alec Vallintine, Ian Vallintine,Mike Stone and Phil Priest

 

 

Team 2; Peter Longstaff, James Strachan, David Bullock and Steve Sharp

 

Team 3; Richard Maggs, Alan Ruddy, Barry Palmer and John Birdseye

 

Team 4; Nigel Smith, Mark Smith and John Chapman

 

Team 5; Simon Tuson, Mike Healy, Bob James and Lee Appleby

 

Team 6; Dennis Redgrave, Steve Beasley And Steve Hook

 

Team 7; Harry Cutts, Paul Starbuck and Graham Starling and Tony Cameron (somewhere over Gatwick)

 

Apologies about the quality of the team photos. Steve Beasley was charged with taking them using the most simple, foolproof digital camera we could find. Unfortunately it wasn’t simple enough for Steve and he’s a bigger fool than even we thought. Sorry!

 

Scores & Handicaps;

The Scores on the Doors are listed below.  As usual Sharpie has adjusted the handicaps to bring the scores a bit closer on the next outing and as agreed at the Birchwood outing, Mark Smith has been voted as the assessor of Sharpies handicap which has now been set as 4.  Tough luck fat-boy.  Chappers – might as well get your name engraved on it now son!  Your time may have come at last!!!

1st Steve (Fix!) Sharp, 37 Points Off 8, New Handicap 4

2nd John (Bridesmaid) Chapman, 37 Points Off 14, New Handicap 12

3rd James (Son of Steve) Strachan, 36 Points Off 22, New Handicap 18

4th Peter (Headache) Longstaff, 36 Points Off 22, New Handicap 14

5th Simon (The Mummy) Tuson, 36 Points Off 22, New Handicap 21

6th Phil (Must Dash) Priest, 34 Points Off 14, New Handicap 13

7th Alan (The Body. Anybody) Ruddy, 34 Points Off 13, New Handicap 13

8th Richard (Turnip) Maggs, 34 Points Off 20, New Handicap 20

9th Bob (Suits You Sir) James, 33 Points Off 12, New Handicap 12

10th Mark (Nice Legs) Smith, 32 Points Off 20, New Handicap 19

11th Ian (Got The Looks) Vallintine, 32 Points Off 16, New Handicap 15

12th Tony (Air Miles) Cameron, 30 Points Off 8, New Handicap 8

13th Nigel (You’re Kidding) Smith, 30 Points Off 26, New Handicap 25

14th Graham (Wife’s Shirt) Starling, 30 Points Off 24, New Handicap 24

15th John (Must Rush) Birdeseye, 28 Points Off 18, New Handicap 18

16th Dave (Golden Touch) Bullock, 28 Points Off 26, New Handicap 24

17th Alec (Blue Badger) Vallintine, 28 Points Off 20, New Handicap 22

18th Steve (Nightsights) Beasly, 28 Points Off 21, New Handicap 22

19th Barry (Double or Quit) Palmer, 27 Points Off 26, New Handicap 26

20th Steve (Dicker of Vibley) Hook, 26 Points Off 26, New Handicap 27

21st Mike (Bad Shot) Stone, 25 Points Off 26, New Handicap 27

22nd Mike (No Hope) Healy, 22 Points Off 22, New Handicap 24

23rd Dennis (Best Dressed/Cross Dressed) Redgrave, 22 Points Off 24, New Handicap 28

24th Lee (Two Jags) Appleby, 20 Points Off 36, New Handicap 36

25th Paul (Quiet Man) Starbuck, 20 Points Off 21, New Handicap 24

26th Harry (The Divot) Cutts, 19 Points Off 27, New Handicap 28

 

Mention must be made of the £5 fines dispensed on the day by Harry ‘Kangaroo Court’ Cutts especially Steve Sharp for disgracefully slow play (must have been adjusting his teams handicaps as they went round).  Hopefully he will not be repeating this heinous crime again.  All other fines (Alan Ruddy, Bob James, Graham Starling, James Strachan, Barry Palmer) were dispensed for non-wearing of Badger shirts.  Barry Palmer – come on down! You still haven’t paid so guess what – another £5 fine has been dispensed to you by Judge Cutts.  Case dismissed!

A warm welcome to all of the new Badgers who joined us for the day and who turned in such good performances (Bob James, Ian Vallintine, Peter Longstaff, James Strachan and Barry Palmer – Bandits!!!).  We look forward to seeing you and all the existing Badgers at the next Badgers Day to be held at South Essex Golf Club in Brentwood, Essex on the 13th March.  Although 28 spaces have been booked and a deposit paid by us, only 13 Badgers have paid their monies so far although, as usual, everybody has committed to come (over 40 of you). 

Pay your £50 to Richard Gent by the end of February and we’ll see you all there.  If you’re late you’re out and you won’t be playing as we have to confirm numbers to them and pay in full two weeks before we go.  Competition for the remaining spaces looks like being tight and, like Jordan’s orifices, we guarantee they’ll all have been filled by the end of the month. So beat Peter Andre at his own game and stick yours in first….

 

Other pictures from the day at Birchwood;

Greedy Badger Mk 1 Sharpie hoovers up the remainders

 

Greedy Badger Mk 2 Fingers young man!

 

Badgers & Guinness

 

 

Badgers, Dinner & Guinness

 

And a glass of white wine for the fat man

 

Harry’s Kangaroo Court Fine! Case Dismissed!

 

Smithy looks suitably impressed with Simon Tuson’s Haka teach-in (one potato, two potato, three potato, four…..)

 

Tony ‘Air Miles’ Cameron, fresh over from Dublin for the day, the only man who does more travelling than Steve ‘Factory Visit’ Sharp