Night turns to day, day turns to night. Well, that pretty much sums up the golf at Darenth Valley!  Setting a record for the longest round in Badger history, Sharpie led the charge (does that apply when you waddle?) across the course for a five and a half hour round, almost as long as some of his disciplinary hearings.  Although 28 Badgers had committed, the final number was reduced on the day to 19.  For those Badgers crying off for family or marital reasons please note that the committee do not consider these worthwhile excuses.  The Badgers are far more important than your family lives!

Two withdrawals of note were Mike Healy and Richard Maggs.  Richard was unable to attend as he was undergoing an interview to join a ‘proper’ golf club. Trouble is, he’ll have to get a ‘proper’ golf game to go with it…. Poor old Mike ‘Mr Bump’ Healy, only recently out of plaster after breaking his wrist and suffering from bruised ribs, proceeded to break his toe on the Tuesday before Darenth.  At his age there’s only so much the body can take so like the good Catholic boy that he is, he had to withdraw….

Mike Healy

Although a slow round, the 19 Badgers at Darenth had an enjoyable day out on what has to be the best course the Society plays, and this year it didn’t disappoint.  The recent dry weather ensured the fairways ran long and the greens fast.  An average score of 32 was achieved and very little adjustment of handicaps was necessary, so it was a hard fought, tight contest.  Reigning Champion Mike Stone had a poor defence of the Badgers Trophy won at South Essex, scoring only 26 points.  This underlines the great mystery of golf; somedays you hook, shank, top, slice and hack your way round a course. Other days, for no explicable reason, you’re completely rubbish like Mike. Chin up Mike and remember – golf is like sex, you don’t need to be good to enjoy it! Only trouble is, you also have to get it up and in!   

 

Badgers at Darenth (L-R); Steve Hook, Alec Vallintine, Dave Guildford, Eugenio Caruso, Phil Tweddle, Joe Divine, Alan Ruddy, Steve Brewer, Nigel Smith, Mark ‘Pink Fairy’ Smith, John Birdseye, Steve Sharp, Mike ‘Defending Champion’ Stone, Dave Bullock, Tim Holt, John Chapman, Harry Cutts, Richard Gent, John Deely

 

Performances of note were Tim Holt, playing off 28 for the first time since his gender change and mustering a highly respectable 23 points, Dave Guildford scoring 31 points whilst wearing a wooly jumper on the hottest day of the year and a return to form for Mark Smith, scoring 36 and only just missing out a spot on the winners rostrum.  Sharpie performed to his usual high standard scoring 35 points meaning he is now playing off a handicap off 5!  Suggestions that he turn professional were turned down by the Fatboy on the basis that he has spent his whole working career being anything but…….in fact Sharpie even gave up his membership of Surbiton Golf Club recently on the basis that he didn’t want anything to do with a club that would allow people like him to join….

Our thanks go to Joe ‘Smug Kiwi’ Divine for standing in at the last minute for Mike ‘Mr Bump’ Healy.  We thought it was only the kiwi rugby team that did the ‘hacker’ when they played…?  Joe scored a truly abysmal 13 points off 28 but didn’t leave empty handed, picking up a set of Badger brews for his efforts.  This for a man who’s golf was so bad he was even shouting ‘fore’ when he putted.  When Joe got home he found a rat in his kitchen and used his putter to club it to death.  He took four.  Still, he probably performed better than Healy would have done so enjoy the beer fella, you deserve it!

 Last Place - Joe Divine

 

Other performances of no note were John Birdseye with a lowly 21 points (John’s problem is he stands too close to the ball after he’s hit it…) and John Chapman who, despite being unable to hit a barn door with his driver, insisted on using it all day.  If Chappers grew tomatoes they’d come up sliced….there again, it might be the driver that’s a problem – he’s only using this one as the last one didn’t float so well and, whilst the flexi shafts don’t quite suit his swing, he reckons that they’re far easier to break over his knee.  At least John follows the first rule of golf, throwing his clubs up the fairway so he doesn’t have so far to walk and pick them up.

Finally, having achieved the heady heights of 27 at South Essex, Genty shot 30 to regain his comfort blanket of 28 points, fair reward for a man who’s swing looks like a caveman killing his lunch…. It must be his iron play – he hits woods really well.  It’s getting out of them that’s a problem.  On to the winners, the team prize was as hard fought as ever with only a point separating 1st, 2nd and 3rd places.  The winners were Mark Smith’s team of Eugenio Caruso, Steve Brewer and Tim Holt with a combined two best scores of 88 points, all getting a bottle of champagne.

Smithy left before the awards ceremony and whilst there was still daylight, due to his concerns about the locals enjoying a bit of queer bashing.  Here was a boy definitely not pretty in pink….still, a vast satorical improvement on Alan ‘The Cub’ Ruddy who’s shirt, despite two years use, has still never seen an iron. Apart from Mark in his pink shirt….

The Winning Team; Eugenio Caruso, Steve Brewer, Tim Holt, Mark Smith (not pictured, off cruising)

 

Nearest the Pin was won by Steve Hook and Longest Drive by first timer Phil Tweddle.  Third place and first time on the winners rostrum was won by Harry Cutts with 37 points, a truly superb performance by the Cuttster, gaining him a handicap of 27, the first time under 28 in his golfing career.  This means he is now on a lower handicap than his Committee partner Mr Gent who, incidentally, is now the only founding committee member not to have been on the winners rostrum. No pressure then…

Steve Hook – Nearest the Pin

 

 

Phil Tweddle – Longest Drive

 

 

Harry Cutts – 3rd Place

 

Harry was so overcome with breaking 100 for the first time ever he retired to the bar to celebrate with a few beers. Luckily somebody reminded him he still had the back nine to play…. Second Place and a second visit of the day to the winners rostrum (referred to in Badger circles as ‘doing a Jarvis’) was Steve Hook who suckered everybody into a false sense of security with an almighty hook onto the railway line on the first, but came in with a mighty 39 points.  Best Badger was Alec Vallintine with 41 points, a fair reward having been pipped at the post by Peter Gallagher on his first run out at Darenth last year.  Well played to you all.

 Steve Hook – 2nd Place

 

 

Alec Vallintine – 1st Place

 

 

Teams and Team Scores at Darenth (all L – R);

 1st Place, Team 2: 88 Points Steve Brewer, Eugenio Caruso, Tim Holt, Mark ‘Ducky’ Smith

 

 

2nd Place, Team 3: 87 points John Deely, Harry Cutts, Harry’s Cadillac, Dave Bullock, Mike Stone

 

3rd Place, Team 3: 86 Points Richard Gent, Phil Tweddle, Alan ‘Scruff’ Ruddy, Dave ‘Ain’t ‘alf Hot’ Guildford

 

 

4th Place, Team 1: 82 Points Steve Hook, Steve Sharp, Joe Divine, John Birdseye

 

 

5th Place, Team 5: 79 Points Nigel ‘Where’s You’re Belly Gone?’ Smith (did anybody else see a tart walking past? – Smithy doesn’t count), John Chapman, Alec Vallintine

 

 

Scores & Handicaps;

Listed below are the current society handicaps adjusted following Darenth and the scores, placings and adjusted handicaps for those who attended Darenth.

1st Alec Vallintine off 23, scored 41, new handicap 20

2nd Steve Hook off 28, scored 39, new handicap 26

3rd Harry Cutts off 28, scored 37, new handicap 27

4th Mark Smith off 19, scored 36, new handicap 18

5th Steve Sharp off 6, scored 35, new handicap 5

6th Alan Ruddy off 14, scored 35, new handicap 13

7th Phil Tweddle off 13, scored 34, new handicap 13

8th Dave Bullock off 28, scored 33, new handicap 28

9th Steve Brewer off 26, scored 32, new handicap 26

10th Eugenio Caruso off 25, scored 31, new handicap 25

11th Dave Guildford off 25, scored 31, new handicap 25

12th Richard Gent off 27, scored 30, new handicap 28

13th Nigel Smith off 28, scored 30, new handicap 28

14th John Deely off 28, scored 29, new handicap 28

15th John Chapman off 9, scored 28, new handicap 10

16th Mike Stone off 22, scored 26, new handicap 23

17th Tim Holt off 28, scored 23, new handicap 28

18th John Birdseye off 15, scored 21, new handicap 17

19th Joe Divine off 28, scored 13, new handicap 28

Key 24 points and below - add 2 shots

Between 25 and 30 points - add 1 shot

Between 31 and 34 points - no change

Between 35 and 38 points - loose 1 shots

Between 39 and 41 points - loose 2 shots

Between 42 and 44 points - loose 3 shots

Between 45 and 48 points - loose 4 shots

Winner - loose 1 shot

 

Balls!

A Golf Ball. With a Badger on it

 

Yes, the Badger Balls have arrived so expect your arm to be twisted at the next golf day or before if you’re lucky!  Thanks to all those Badgers who have placed an order already. If you’re one of the tightfisted lot who haven’t yet we have three types of ball; Top Flite Titaniums, £4 for a sleeve of three Pinnacle Golds, £5 for a sleeve of three Titliest PTS SoLos, £6 for a sleeve of three.  Whilst these prices are slightly above the cost you’ll pay in the shops, they are logo’d up with the society logo and any profits will go towards the cost of the Christmas golf day at Birchwood. So hurry and place your orders to our email address thebadgersgolfsociety@hotmail.com.

 

AGM 

The First Badgers AGM (All Got Mullered!) was held on the 8th July 2005 at The Grapes in Limehouse.  Unfortunately this was the day after the London bombings so attendance was down, but thanks and well done all who did attend.  A excellent lunch was enjoyed by all and copious amounts of alcohol were consumed.  A special AGM Newsletter will be issued shortly once our hangovers subside and we can remember what happened, but congratulations go to Mike Stone who was crowned Badger Captain on the basis of having the best average performance over the past years golf day – well done Mike!